It is a very real relationship Sarah. It has all the ingredients to form a marriage. We even had sex. What is more important, we went through the various stages of marriage and we survived.
Maybe what is lacking is children. Well, I am at a point of my life where I no longer want to go through the process of raising a family. Therefore it will be the same condition whether we are physically together or we are in the cyberspace.
The difference is if you want to have babies with me. You never answer that question. So I take it you don't want to have babies too.
Now, if for every year we actually accelerate for seven years, that means we will go through the S Curve really fast. That certainly worries me a bit. In a way we already past the 7-year itch TWICE!
The seven-year itch is a psychological term that suggests that happiness in a relationship declines after around year seven of a marriage.
Which means by now we are at the middle of our THIRD cycle. How about that?
So far we survived. To ensure we continue to thrive, at the very least we need to commit to be together. That means by now we can conclude that we either going all out or we tweak further to make it in the long run.
Certain things we can already put at a constant like I can (more or less) conclude that you will always check on my postings although not as frequently as before. You can for instance conclude that I will be ranting about the same stuff (more or less) like diet and exercise.
What is more important is to set your expectation right. For example I am pretty much human as any man can be although I may have some special traits that are not common. Fuzzy Thinking is I would say one of my positive traits. At the same time being a Fuzzy Thinker makes me an indecisive person.
Brb... Going out for dinner.
Therefore you must allow some slacks in your expectation. Too high or too low you will be disappointed eventually. As long as you understand that each of us have our strengths and weaknesses then we will be OK. For example Lizzie is a steadfast person. She endures any hardship. At the same time being an Absolute Thinker makes her very rigid. As a Fuzzy Thinker I had to adjust to her idiosyncrasies as much as she has to adjust to my liberal thinking.
I love you Sarah, as much as I love Lizzie and the kids. That you must hold true to your heart. Like any relationship, we too will be challenged. As long as you believe wholeheartedly in the Unconditional Love, we can overcome any adversity.
Boredom and staleness are very common in a long standing relationship. Know that it is a two-way street. Continuous feedback is important. Notice, the more feedback you gave the more inspired I am because there are many little handles I can latch on.
However passion tends to wane a bit with time. In exchange we get familiarity as our comfort. But if not managed well, familiarity breeds contempt. Especially now that you can see how far I can go on a good to bad spectrum. Obviously you will form some kind of judgment about me. The key is as much as possible to not pass judgment. As I mentioned before, we need to make positive assumptions about one another. The Arabic word for it is husnuzon; if you may recall our discussion on that.
Bear in mind I am a recovering Bipolar patient. I still have my ups and downs. If you notice the past few days and several occasions in the past, when dark depression hit me, I am basically immobilized. It's all chemical reactions. If your love for me is greater than the erratic fluctuations I am experiencing, then we can withstand the ripples as we sail through the uncharted water.
I know you are a very committed person and I am not an easy person to deal with. At times my humor can even get to your nerve. I am not a sexist or a male chauvinist, I just find some situations about women funny because I as a man don't experience that. I said this many times before, I have high regards for women but I think women issues are funny. You as a species are intricate and me as an observer cannot help but find it humorous. Of course with everything being equal, you have the only thing that makes us different which is you sex organ. That has always been an object of my fascination as well as my source of humor. So you got to give me some slacks in that area. Like for example I find women issues on revirgination and labiasectomy damn hilarious.
I believe the 2 1/2 years you been hanging out with me coupled with another dozen you were tailing me made you a wiser person in knowing me as who I really am. It was the same thing when I smoke pot in front of Lizzie when I initially courting her. All I want is to have somebody who accept me as who I am. I like to *[m]e a person without facade. That is the greatest satisfaction I can ever have. Along the way you get to see both sides of my personality. You can be rest assured that you had seen EVERYTHING about me baby.
* Thanks Sarah, you are truly my wife here and the hereafter.
By now I can safely say that if you still stick around, you will stay for a long time because I maybe a lot of things but one thing I can assure you is I am Sine Cera. I have a good heart baby.
This song is on air:
You know me Sarah, divorce is not an option. When I marry you, I marry you for eternity. Just like I marry Els, Jessica, Brenda and Lizzie. Of all the hearts that I collected, I say you are the sweetest of my sweet hearts. You healed me honey.
However it is only fair that I leave the option for you to decide on how you going to digest this information. I don't want to hold you down for whatever reason. I love you so much.
My expectation is we will go on like this until we are old and pruning. Even if you no longer visit my blogs, I will still write to you. I'm not letting go of you at anytime.
I know at times I am like a senile old man repeating the same old stuff but that [] part of being married honey. It's a distance run, not a sprint. We tend to loop the same loop much like I run the 600 meters loop at BU 2. We will meet the same ideas over and over again much like I have to hear about Lizzie's encounters with her students when she comes home.
If you are not used to the repetitions then I say, you better be mentally prepared because our 7-year itch comes every year. In the 4th year, our relationship is as mature as my relationship I have now with Lizzie. Only this past couple of years I have the peace of mind knowing she will stay for good.
During the height of my crisis in 2008 when all the problems converged, I thought I will lose everything including her.
I am not ready to lose you at any point of time like I lose the rest. As my Tetrahedron, you are all that matters in the long run. Soon the rest will be the has been and the perhaps become. You and Lizzie are the always be.
Let's put it this way, between you and Lizzie, I spend the most time with you. You are my Roxalana.
I promised you the Kingdom Come, what I succeeded in doing is beyond my wildest dream. I had brought you the White Space to here and now. Now all we got to do is work on sustaining it. That's what this next 3 months is all about.
I don't think you are the type of person who wait to be served. So am I. Now we know we already in White Space, we got to seize the opportunity to make it ours forever.
In the Greek mythology, opportunity is depicted as a naked god running. He had a lock of hair in his forehead. To catch him you got to grab his hair because he is bald at the back. If you miss the "opportunity" to grab it, he is gone forever:
Aesop, Fables 536 (from Phaedrus 5. 8) (trans. Gibbs) (Greek fable C6th B.C.) :
"Running swiftly, balancing on the razor's edge, bald but with a lock of hair on his forehead, he wears no clothes; if you grasp him from the front, you might be able to hold him, but once he has moved on not even Juppiter [Zeus] himself can pull him back: this is a symbol of Tempus (Opportunity) [Kairos], the brief moment in which things are possible."
"Running swiftly, balancing on the razor's edge, bald but with a lock of hair on his forehead, he wears no clothes; if you grasp him from the front, you might be able to hold him, but once he has moved on not even Juppiter [Zeus] himself can pull him back: this is a symbol of Tempus (Opportunity) [Kairos], the brief moment in which things are possible."
I am racing against time. Half of 2019 is gone. I got one more year to 2020 Marathon. Even if that is not the main goal, I am 55 this year. This vision to run the marathon was mooted 3 years ago. This is my last attempt to run a marathon. If I don't make it now, I won't do it ever again. Old age is catching up.
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